"Every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something you already said yes to" - Mitzi Weinman, TimeFinder. In trying to make everyone happy, do you end up feeling stressed, tired or resentful or find that your own personal needs have gone unmet?
So, is it worse to say yes and then feel resentful or angry, or to say no and feel guilty? Anyone who knows me knows that guilt goes a long way for me. No matter how hard we try, we can't do it all, all of the time, and we can't do some things as often or as well as we would like to. We all know there HAS to be a balance, and only you know where that balance lies.
Here are some tips for finding balance, and avoiding over committing.
Prioritize: Start by prioritizing the areas of our life into Work, Health, Family, Friends and Spirit.
Keep focused on your values: With each request that is put before you keep your values clearly in mind. Upon review of your day or week, evaluate what you determined is MOST important to you and note the discrepancies.
Self-Care: If you want to de-stress and unclutter your life, start with yourself. Think of it as self-care vs. selfish, there is a huge difference. Taking good care of yourself will make a happier and healthier you, and better able to deal with the demands in your life.
Ownership: Do you need to be needed? Beware of the "compliment" where someone says that you do something sooo much better than them, and could you do it? Tell them you can't and that "your ____ are just fine" (or "more than adequate"). Ask yourself how did I get to this point? Make a list of the last 5 times you said yes and agreed to do something for someone else, Then gauge your feelings after each event: resentful? pressured?
Assess: Where Can I Cut Back?
Start with a list of areas of responsibilities to determine who and what are the major culprits when it comes to using up your time. For each responsibility ask yourself:
- Can I let go? If not, why?
- Can someone else do this? Who would a logical choice be?
- What would the consequence be if I let this go?
- Refer back to your list of priorities, values and goals. Where does
this responsibility fit?
Honesty is the best policy. Don't drown in your own excuses. An honest and firm answer is best. Excuses will only lead to recriminations and waste more time.
The art of saying NO: According to Miss Manners, the polite way to refuse is to offer an apology, but no excuse. This is something that takes practice, and I seriously have to work on. She suggests polite denials such as
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but I can't."
"I'd love to, but I'm afraid it's impossible",
Unfortunately, I can't, but I hope you can find someone".
Here are 10 more honest ways to say NO
1) I'm not taking on any new projects at this time.
2) I'm focusing more on my personal and family life right now.
3) I'm in the middle of several projects and can't spare the time.
4) I'm committed to leaving some time for myself in my schedule this year.
5) I can't, but I'm happy to help out with another task
6) I really need some downtime, so I’ll have to pass. Email me a picture
if you can and tell everyone ‘hi’ for me.”
7) I'd love to help; unfortunately, I'm already overextended
8) I know I've agreed to ______ in the past, but it only made me feel
anxious/uncomfortable/overwhelmed. That's why it's important for me to
now say no."
9) I’m sorry, but I really can’t give that project the attention it
deserves.”
10)I’m sorry, but I just have a lot of other responsibilities on my plate.
11)I really can’t give that project the attention it deserves.”
12) I can't. But, let me give you the name of someone who might be able to.
Or you might try a lighter approach! I'd love to but...
1) It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
2) My subconscious says no.
3) Having fun gives me prickly heat.
4) I prefer to remain an enigma.
5) I'm trying to cut down.
6) I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
7) I never go out on days that end in "Y."
8) There are important world issues that need worrying about.
9) I'm observing National Apathy Week.
10)My palm reader advised against it.
11)There's a disturbance in the Force.
12)I'm being deported
13)The Grunion are running.
14)None of my socks match.
15)I feel a song coming on.
If you are unable to communicate the word NO in any form; get yourself any of these STOP ME BEFORE I VOLUNTEER AGAIN products at http://annetaintor.com/search.html to remind yourself and others that this is an area in life you want to work on!
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